Most people stop

Most people stop practicing Ashtanga yoga. Classes are full of beginners. Some people are talented and very flexible, yet they just started with the practice. Less than 10% practice a decade. Most people stop for different reasons after some time.
Most people retire one day. They don't want to work one day longer than necessary.
Most people have had friendships, yet one day the paths divided.

There might be very good reasons, but also excuses why this happens.

Not always people stop doing something. A few weeks back I went to an exhibition by Peter Lindbergh, the photographer. He is now 71. Someone asked him if he considered to stop working. He doesn't want to stop working. He is in the flow now. Now he can play with the different skills. He has the connections to people in the community. Why stopping?

There are few people who find activities, jobs they want to do till the last breath, till they die. It's worth looking for such activities. It's fulfilling.

It's of course also fine to stop an activity if interest fades away. Sometimes priorities change. Why not.

Often people quit a community, an activity or whatever with complaining, blaming, discontentment.
A few days back I found a blog post by an ex-Ashtangi, who explained in great detail why she stopped practicing. She has been an aspiring Ashtanga yoga teacher. There was no single good word about yoga. She wrote about Mysore and has never been there. The community was provoked. The list of comments were long and so committed.

It is an art to quit. I even think it's OK to point out the negative aspects. To have a critical view on something can solve issues. Yet to generalize and to think that the own feelings and experiences are the only truth is simply wrong.

This is also why I prefer to share my experiences. At the same time I wish that other practitoners who read my blog might be inspired, but everybody must make his/her own experiences. What is true for me, can be wrong for someone else. I enjoy the exchange of experiences and stories.

I'll surely not quit Ashtanga yoga that fast. I face obstacles, they are not huge enough to make myself doubt about my practice.

Also today I practiced. Today primary was on the schedule. After 90 min my alarm clock rang, I was still in the middle of the middle part. My practice became slow. The extra asanas need extra time, too.
My practice improves slowly, very slowly. Today I could do  kurmasana again. Eka pada sirsasana (a substitute for supta kurmasana) was possible, too. At the end the lower back pain (SI joint issues) dominated the practice and I was glad when I was finally in savasana.
Strange, but after the shower, first with warm water, then with cold water, I feel relaxed again, so does my back.

Today will be my first rolfing session. I'm very curious.

Second series today

Again I set my timer. After 100 min I had just done the twists. I practice slowly and I add exercises that shall prepare my body for the deep back bending asanas. Every day I practice the split poses, i.e.. This might be a reason why I have have not enough time for the entire second series. Quality over quantity. I'm not in a hurry. 

I also repeat asanas. Ustrasana is such an asana. I so know how it felt some years ago. It felt good to be in that asana. These days I'm not sure if I'll reach my heels. I do, I do. Yet I want that the asana feels good. With every repetition it feels better. 

I repeat kapotasana and urdhva dhanurasana. 

To alter the series seems to be a good solution right now. 

Strength returns!

Flexibility returns!

Slowly. 

Important is to practice. 

My breath became so fearful. I work on a deep even breath, too. The practice is painful and satisfying at the same time. 

I wonder how easy it is to step on the mat in the morning. I don't want to miss this daily practice, no matter how modest it might be. The practice teaches me to stay patient. It teaches me not to give up. 

What a luck that I can practice. 

Quality over quantity

The timer was set for 90 min. It rang before I had finished primary today. I had enough. I felt exhausted.

My focus is to relax when I practice the asanas.
I also want to regain strength. That is I lift myself up between asanas, not between sides. This would still be too much right now.

The two asanas above are often my counter poses to all these forward bending asanas of primary. It feels good. The movement starts from the hips.

That I could stretch my legs in kurmasana was a surprise. After that pose not much happened, but the wish to stop. I stay on the mat for 90 min. It's great to do only fav poses or relaxing poses or savasana, but I want to be on the mat for 90 min. I need again a feeling for time.

It was a perfect start of the week.

No discussion - I practice

No discussion: I practice.

I stop these inner discussion of the ambitious me and the lazy fearful me at an early point. Too often the lazy me wins. It's OK to practice only relaxing asanas, but not to practice at all is not an alternative.

Today is Sunday, second Ashtanga series was on the schedule. Back bending was the focus.

Forward split is always part of my practice, every day. It helps me to stretch the hip flexor of the leg that stretches backwards.
The first step is  being able to be on the floor with both legs. Then one can think of back bending in that position in addition. To make it easier it could be useful to bend the leg that is in front of the body.

Whenever a pose felt weak, I repeated it. Often the pose is much more relaxing when it has reached a perfect form. Feeling good in a pose is my goal. I want to breathe deeply also in difficult asanas.

Highlight of today: I could bind pashasana again. I celebrate this.

When under the shower after my practice I tell my brain: Time to give trouble to my back is over. This shows effect.

It's time for breakfast now.

These 100 minutes were so worth doing it.

Utthita parsvottanasana

To move into utthita parsvottanasana with that blocked SI joint is painful. That is it's painful when I move into this pose from standing position. That's the classic movement. One steps the feet apart from each other, then one turns to the right sight. In the meanwhile the hands are in prayer position behind the back. Then one lowers the upper body to reach with the chin the shin. During this movement the lower back has to carry the weight of the upper body. It's not only this, What I read it's much more than the body weight, it's four times more due to the leverage effect.
This is also why it's recommended to lift things very close to the body. This prevents the back from damage in the long run.

My version these days: I bend forward, I reach my feet with my hands. I can support this movement while putting my hands on my legs. This takes away weight from the back. Then I step back. The smaller the step the more difficult becomes this asana.
In classes I often heard that one shall move the weight to the back leg. With my hands on the floor I can support this shift. When I feel comfortable, I move my arms behind my back. See picture three. A warning: the shoulders are usually a weak part of the body. Take care not to injure the shoulders when using them to leverage this asana.
Yet from there it's so much easier to take the hands behind the back in prayer position.

All forward bending asana improve when the abdomen are engaged (bandhas).

I want to relax in a pose. It must feel good. Not at the beginning, but after some time. If this is not possible, I go to the position, that feels good.

On chronic pain: I was very astonished when I read that one speaks of chronic pain if someone has pain for only a few years.Then the brain shall sent messages to the nerves that sustains the feeling of pain even though the cause for this pain doesn't exist anymore.
The recommendation is to ignore the pain. It's recommended not to talk about it, not to think about it, not to read any literature about it. One shall even not do any exercises to relief the pain. Forget about it, is the advice.
This is what I tried yesterday. Taking picture distracted me from the pain, too.
I got that point.
Nevertheless I think in my case, the cause, the blocked SI joint is still there. I can locate it. I got to know the movements when it hurts. However. I'm looking forward to the rolfing sessions next week. I must believe in this treatment!

Parivrtta parsva konasana

These days I practice sometimes variations of the asanas of the Ashtanga yoga series due to my lower back pain (SI joint issues).
I also move differently into an asana than it is foreseen in the classic Ashtanga sequences.

This deepens my understanding of the asanas.
I don't feel anymore that I practice not correctly. I gave up the idea that everybody around the world has to practice exactly the same, no matter of age, experience, body, wishes and whatever. After decades of yoga practice I became flexible in many ways.

I move into parivrtta parsva konasana from adho mukha svanasana (downward facing dog). Usually one jumps from standing position to the side. Most of the time my step was not wide enough. The shin bone of the leg bent shall be parallel to the wall, the upper leg shall be parallel to the floor. It's easier to have this exact distance of the feet when moving from downward facing dog into this position. For me it's less painful as I can move the weight of the body on my hands when I make the step forward. The lower body has not to carry any body weight.

I don't turn my feet of the stretched leg around anymore. This shall preserve the SI joint.

That way it's also easier to have the shoulder next to the knee. This pose is a twist.
With the one feet on its toes it becomes a balancing pose, too.

This morning I woke up with horror pain in the back. It's a pain killer day, I thought. But again, the pain disappeared after some time.
The  words of the orthopedic came into my mind: Don't give it up. No, no, no, I won't give it up.
(Being a yogini is the best life style I found for myself.)

The practice turned into a photo session. Nothing is more useful than seeing oneself on a picture if one studies alone at home.

I've mastered again the first obstacle: I practice on a daily basis. I don't postpone the practice. Often it's postponed to the next day and the next day.........

The sun is shining. I feel really good.

Done

I love to practice at home. The feeling for the duration of my practice is lost. That's why I set a timer. Ninety minutes asana practice is a fantastic time. My practice slowed down. I stay in an asana till it feels good. These days I close my eyes. I focus on the inner sensations. It helps me to relax. With closed eyes, I can also better focus on my breath. Time flies. The 90 minutes are over so quickly.

Unbelievable how painful the transitions were today. I crawled from one asana to the next. Doing vinyasas is something else. After the twists of second series the ninety minutes were over. The three lotus pose position finished my practice.
The asanas are improving again. Even urdhva dhanurasana is coming back and it feels good to bent backwards. Patience is needed.

Right now I feel excellent. The mornings offer me horror pain. It's fading away during the day.

Yesterday I had a first phone call with the rolfer. Next Wednesday I'll have my first session. She asked for any issues. I told her about my sacroiliac joint. She is optimistic that she can help me. I don't expect this. But this nice lady is optimistic, why shouldn't I be optimistic, too?

90 min Ashtanga yoga

Good things first:
I'm very happy that I practice daily again. I practice at home. The timer is set to 90 minutes. During these 90 minutes I stay on the mat. My concentration has improved a lot. Today primary was on the schedule. I alter primary and second series. When the alarm clock rang, I still had to do the closing sequence. So slow is my practice. Today only the three last asanas as closing sequence were possible.

Slowly I close the gap between what was a year ago and now. I become stronger, I become more flexible. My breath is very fearful, especially between poses. Jumping is not possible. Setu bandhasana is impossible. But so much is possible, except 2 or three poses.
I observe my breath. Whenever I realize that it's flat or that I don't breathe at all, I start intensifying my breath. That's what I aim for: The asanas shall feel good. I want to reach again a certain level of relaxation when I do the asanas.

This morning I woke up with lower back pain again. The sacroiliac joint is obviously out of place. The psoas muscle were screaming. I prepared a cup of coffee for myself. Then I started writing my journal. I stopped it and wrote a letter to  the rolfing lady round the corner. That's the plan now, I'll do the 10 classic rolfing sessions. To care for the body in different ways cannot be wrong. The rolfer herself has had back pain. Perhaps this means that she has a certain understanding of these  issues. My intention is to do something good for my body. I don't expect that these sessions heal my back. But I'm open for surprises.

Tomorrow back bending is the focus again. I'm looking forward to it.

With every hour my back feels better.

On food

Sunday: I know now that we all need also protein, especially those who are sportive. This is why I try to eat some protein with every meal. Chickpeas are a wonderful source. I had hummus at home, but today I wanted to make my own. It should become a little experiment. I wanted to find out if  the bought hummus tasted similar to the self-made one. On the left side in the picture is the bought hummus on the right side the self-made hummus. To be honest we didn't even like to taste the bought one. The consistency was rather hard, not so smoothy. It smelled awfully. 

Some time ago I made a similar experiment with just chickpeas. The consequences of the comparison is that one doesn't like to eat the stuff from the grocery store. It's really easy to make these delicious meals on my own. I try to avoid these convenience products whenever it's possible, also the vegan ones. 

Chickpea salad with hummus and bread was my lunch today. 

I the morning I practiced. It was a satisfying yet not pain free practice. I could find out a pattern. In the morning pain is there, during the day it fades away. That's how it is. I experiment with different ways to get into a pose. This deepens my understanding of almost every asana. 

My plan for tomorrow is:

1. Strength training first.

2. Then adjusted primary. I want to alter the two series. I want to get stronger again. 

Inspiration by Nancy Gilgoff

Here is a link, that describes how P. Jois taught Ashtanga yoga in the very early years.

It's a very interesting article.

As said, many things were changed since the beginning. Too many people wanted to learn Ashtanga yoga. All the compromises that were made on the way made the series not better, but probably more approachable for the masses. I got injured.

I practiced today again. I loved my practice. It was painful. I find more and more ways how to avoid this pain. Posts about this topic will come.

I do it my way.

Yesterday I practiced the Moon Series by Matthey Sweeney. I think I remember that I had read that he couldn't practice one of the classic Ashtanga series due to an injury. So he created a series for himself that he was able to practice. Sorry, I cannot remember the source anymore.

I love the sequence. It seemed to be perfect for him and probably also for many others. For me it could be a series that I'd like to practice in addition to one of the Ashtanga yoga series, but not as a substitute.

Why? The series consists of mainly forward bending asanas. At the end are a few back bending asanas. After all these forward bending asanas I was not able to do an easy ustrasana. I couldn't reach my feet. After a decade of forward bending I have enough from only forward bending asanas. I've reached a level that is advanced. My back bending isn't. For me a balanced training has twists, inversions, back bending, forward bending asanas. I don't want to forget the balancing asanas.

Nevertheless I learned something that makes it easier to practice with my current issues (back pain). It's possible to move into the trikonasana poses from downward facing dog not from a standing position. This tiny variation makes a difference. It takes away all the burden on the lower back.

I could write more details. But is it really important? I won't follow another strict system. After decades of yoga practice I know my body and I know what is good for me. I keep learning. I'm interested in what others do. At the end I decide if it's good for me.
Joint pain is to be avoided.

When I get up these days, back pain is back. With every hour of being active it disappears. I consider to postpone my practice to a later hour of the day. To focus on back bending feels good, so I'll adjust second series.

I don't know why, but I still think one day this lower back pain belongs to the past. I can live with my current difficulties. It is as it is. It's really not that important. Who cares if I change the series? Who cares when I practice in the afternoon? Life would be boring without issues. I'm not so involved or down in all these happenings. I observe, I'm looking for a solution.

I remember the beginning of Burroughs book 'Junkie': He mentioned why he started taking drugs. He felt cut off from life. Taking drugs meant for him to feel life. Not that I want to recommend to create issues for oneself to get a feeling of being alive. Life means to face different situations. It's not necessary to judge everything. Life can be also observed.

Back to the title of this blog post: One  must find one's own way. Everybody has other possibilities, skills, another body and so on. To have one solution for everybody is an illusion. I do it my way.

I'll keep practicing my possible variations. Patience is necessary. I feel relaxed.



The picture is new, a few days old. Oh my, I felt weak when I tried this pose.

SI joint, new insights from someone who has been there

Yesterday I listened to a video with David Keil on the SI joint. David Keil is an expert for three reasons:
1. He is an Ashtanga yoga practitioner for decades and also a teacher
2. He wrote a book on anatomy
3. He had awful lower back pain, caused by the SI joint, too.

What strengthens my hope. He got rid of it.
I don't know how often I nodded with my head when I listened to his video. He verbalized what I felt. I know that I'm right with my theory and my experience. I got background information.

I share this experience and also what I think might help to get rid of this pain, because there is not so much expertise. One must really search to find information.

David Keil first described the pain. It can be felt as a bit of pain. It can be also be experienced as a nightmare that influences the entire life. There he was. There I'm sometimes.

What caused this pain?

The first reason that David mentioned were the leg behind head poses. Many students of Ashtanga yoga are not yet ready for this pose. They force the leg behind the head. The hip doesn't allow this movement. Quickly the SI joint is injured. 

In my case my hips were open enough after a decade of daily practice. The picture is from 2015 before my injury. I can tell exactly when I injured myself. It happened while performing one of these leg behind head poses, but not because I was not able to do it, but because I got too fast into such a pose. 

I've been in a led class. 80% of the students in led classes are beginners. So the teacher helped several students to bind marichyasana C and D. I got cold. Due to this interruption of the flow time for the rest of the series was short. The teacher started counting faster. Students for the next class were already in front of the door. Quickly I moved into supta kurmasana as I liked to perform this pose. Damned, I felt at once that I made a wrong movement. 

I cursed and swore not to go to a let class anymore.

As it is these days, led classes are designed for beginners. 

Then followed the next huge mistake. The pain didn't disappear. I wanted to avoid all the leg behind head poses, but I was asked to practice them in the Mysore classes. This made everything worse. I didn't go to classes anymore. 

What is injured?

According to David Keil the SI joint is held by ligaments. Ligaments cannot be stretched. They hold the joint. Many soccer player or basketball player tore ligaments, mainly those of the knee joint, finger joint, feet joint. Who tries to take the leg behind the head? It's a minority world wide. This is also why most doctors have no clue. 

The consequence of this injury of the ligaments of the SI joint is that the muscles around this joint are stressed and hurt.

What can be done?

1. Please have a look at the first picture. When the body moves forward, the lower back must carry a lot of the weight of the body. This hurts, when the joint is injured. During the last months I avoided this pose. I practiced a variation. I lied on my back. It's a hip opening asana, it's not necessary to balance in addition. 

This also explained why I couldn't get into sirsasana (headstand) with straight legs. It has been too painful. The back had to carry my body weight, this was not possible anymore. Some students are rather long in sirsasana. It's not recommended to be longer in sirsasana with the legs parallel to the floor as it's too much stress for the back. 

I had/have pain when performing all these forward bending asanas while starting from a standing position. I'll avoid this till my back is healed. I can support the movement, I can put weight on the arms. It's possible to get into sirsasana with bent legs.  There are variations, that don't put pressure on the lower back.

In sum: All forward bending asana that stress the lower back shall be avoided. It's easy to find out which poses shall be avoided as it hurts to practice them. 

2. All poses that are not symmetric shall be avoided, according to David Keil. This can even be Janu Sirsasana A.

3. Last but not least something that can be done actively. Muscles are the second layer. Strong muscles can protect the joint and ligaments. Also this can be felt. When I engage my abdomen poses become less painful. Strength training is important. Strong abdomen protect the lower back. 

4. Fascia massage of the back muscles bring almost immediate relief. 

Obviously ligaments need to heal. Even inflammation can arise. It takes time. But healing is possible. 

What I still don't understand is why the pain disappears when I move. In the morning when I wake up back pain is so awful, I really wonder why. This makes it difficult to start practicing. 

Saturday is my day off. 

A lot can be practiced, but pain must be avoided. 

Strength training is important!!!! I'll start my yoga practice with strength training. It's a good warm up. 

SI joint and Ashtanga yoga

http://loveyogaanatomy.com/pain-issues-and-injuries-in-yoga/

There is a a video especially on SI joint issues and Ashtanga yoga in that link. It's the very enlightening and it acknowledges my suspicion. Imbalanced practice.

David Keil has been there.

Painful practice

PP - Painful practice.

I have a fantasy: It is that I make a very awkward movement and from one second to the other the back pain caused by my sacroiliac joint is gone from one second to the other. Till this fantasy becomes true, I do what is possible. From time to time I curse, I also motivate myself. You don't give up, I tell myself. I'm not a couch potato and I don't want to become one.

I practice very slowly. But I practice: Hallelujah.

Today back bending was my focus. Before the intensive asanas ustrasana, laghu vajrasana and kapotasana I do the split pose. It lengthens my front side. This allows me to get so much deeper into the back bending asanas than without this exercise. I repeat kapotasana against the wall. It helps me to adjust myself. I think a pose should feel good. In the beginning stretching pain might be felt, but after a while of deep breathing the body should relax and feel good.

I feel like a hero, because I didn't use the pain as an excuse not to practice. Every practice makes the next one easier.

Nutrition is as important as the practice. Both influence each other. These days I try to eat protein at my two main meals that is breakfast and lunch. Today I had soy yogurt with almond puree and the best strawberries I've eaten for a long time for breakfast. My mother-in-law is still here as our guest. I'll go to an Indian restaurant with her for lunch. I know already that I'll order the black lentils. Lentils are also protein. The huge asset of protein is that one feels full for a long time. In addition it's necessary to build muscles.

Oh, I can't wait. I'm so looking forward to my next practice.

Untangle me

Party is over.

We're back to daily life. I found a May challenge online: untangle me. So this is day 1, a twist. Twists feel very good. So I'm in.

You can follow this challenge on Instagram.